One important part of Velda's journey that I haven't spoken about much is the behind-the-scenes work we did together to manage her recovery. This is the story of real support, genuine care, and the painful reality of how some people—including family—can sabotage healing instead of supporting it.
Managing Triggers and Building Coping Strategies
I encouraged Velda to keep a diary of her triggers—those moments when her PTSD, addiction, and mental health struggles would overwhelm her. This wasn't just about tracking pain; it was about creating a plan for healing.
The process was simple but powerful: when something or someone caused her to spiral into dark thoughts or cravings, she would write it down. Then we would work together to create strategies to avoid those situations or reach out for help—whether from a trusted friend, family member, or professional who could listen and support her through the storm.
My Active Role in Her Recovery
Daily Support
- Attending church and AA meetings together
- Ensuring she kept medical appointments
- Supporting visits with her son Travis
- Helping with court appearances
Basic Needs & Relationships
- Providing food and shelter
- Medical treatment support
- Rebuilding family relationships
- Emotional and practical support
These efforts mattered deeply. Before Michael and others came into the picture and disrupted everything, we were making real progress. There was hope, structure, and genuine healing happening.
Complex Family Relationships
Family Members
Rebecca - Sister
Struggling with her own addiction
Marianne - Mother
Deceased, battled alcoholism
Jerald - Father
Deceased
Vernon - Brother
Disowned Velda
Elijah - Nephew
Part of family attacks
Travis - Son
Velda worked to maintain visits
The Painful Reality of Family Sabotage
Instead of Support, There Was Blame
When Velda was vulnerable, instead of encouragement, she was met with disbelief and blame. Velda sometimes lied to her family about what was happening, and some of them—her nephew Elijah, her sister Rebecca, and her mother Marianne—joined in attacking me, painting me as the cause of her problems.
They accused me of causing her seizures and other issues, when the truth is Velda was broken long before I came into her life. Many of them knew this, yet some were part of the cycle that contributed to her pain.
Contributing Factors
- • Her mother's alcoholism
- • Her sister's own addiction
- • Mental games within the family
- • Generational trauma patterns
Specific Examples
- • Failed surprise birthday party attempt
- • Rebecca wishing "trouble" for Velda
- • No family support at AA meetings
- • Rebecca lying about her own addiction
The Birthday Party That Never Happened
I remember trying to throw Velda a surprise birthday party, hoping to bring some joy and show her that people cared. But no one seemed to care. Rebecca even said she wished nothing but trouble for Velda, despite claiming to care about her sister. Rebecca never showed up to AA meetings to support Velda and lied to me about her own struggles. Marianne did come sometimes, which was a small comfort in an otherwise disappointing situation.
The Reality Behind Recovery
This is the reality behind the scenes—the hard, painful truth about recovery and the people who help or hinder it. It's why I'm so committed to supporting Velda now, and why it's so important that she has a safe, trusted circle around her as she continues to heal.
Recovery is not a straight path, and it requires patience, understanding, and unwavering support. Together, we can help Velda rebuild her life and find the peace and strength she deserves.
Thank you for taking the time to read and for your compassion.